Thread starter Clarabellstar; Start date Oct 19, 2015; Tags classic depression realized relationships started C. Clarabellstar Well-known member. A BPD relationship cycle often consists of some emotional highs and lows that may leave you confused and frustrated. She started meeting numerous other guys, one in particular. So leave your ex alone and dont provoke your ex. We went to Spain for vacation, to try to mend our relationship. When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. Your IP: The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. I have done that (actually even twice), but I got back for the sake of my son. Im so sorry to hear that. 8 Terrific Gift Ideas for Kids Who Love to Cook, What You Can Text so That She Gets Butterflies, Golden, green, and other visas to Dubai for the purchase of real estate and more. This also causes them to view their partner in either the best possible light or the worst possible light. I hope you're okay now. 1. Find that your loved one is constantly in trouble, or it seems they cant care for themselves. Press J to jump to the feed. I can not stress enough how valuable it is .I was similar in my behaviour to this girl in all my previous relationships but then I had a diagnosis , went to DBT therapy and specialised Counselling and have now been in an amazing , positive relationship for a year. But she felt the need to rub my face in her new guy that she cheated on me with on Christmas. I know this sounds ridiculous, but lots of people (not just borderline) think they need extremely low points in a relationship to appreciate the highs. Weve created a quick list for you of symptoms that may indicate someone has BPD. Be aware of it, and manage it with care. Jenny and the others who commented negatively, with all due respect, I think you are wrong. They are very hard to control and they can be really hurtful and stressful for the other person. Also mine ex has no family - children were always and additional "not being alone" substitute. Its quite the opposite. Hardly any of this is true. unless she actually had a long term relationship with like 5 people with . He was non violent and never broke anything. Please readers dont ask me how I know this. I give too much if anything and I always get my heart broken. I have read a lot of BPD horror stories, but this is bad. She was angry because of all my previous relationships and now she had knowledge about them. Fuck. Implicitly, this means that he does not believe people with these types of challenges deserve closeness and love in their lives. Thank you Zan. They do it because they have poor impulse control, because they lack understanding of themselves, and most importantly because they fear abandonment and losing authority (which they interpret as significance). In this way, the person that is splitting believes that their partner is at fault because of what they are feeling. And there is a 24h court that will assess your position. What is your living situation now? And she was great. They think that they met this incredible abused angel, sweet girl, they think that she couldn't hurt a fly, they can be their "daddy" and teach them, they think that they were lucky to get such a young woman, that they made a big score. Setting Boundaries. Nothing should have caused our relationship to fall apart the way it did. She also mentioned she loves sex and she can't stop fantasizing about me. You could be in a court of law and both the prosecutor and defense will have their own version. Everything else was your exs responsibility and completely out of your control. She managed to change her job (she would be fired from the previous), she has lots of cash and a new, young lover. And thats what were going to talk about in this post. If you are even a minute late, she will lose it on you and say things; as you know, I was sitting here thinking about killing myself because of you. She was horrible during her pregnancy. I got misdiagnosed with BPD, because his constantly abuse. The thing with borderline people is that they subconsciously look for someone who can bend to their will. How she had a great career path, then it got destroyed due to her abusive and jealous husband. You got us. As part of the bootcamp, I had to go talk to random people and ask them for their phone number. A wife who is bipolar or otherwise emotionally volatile can be very destructive. That is entirely without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information. The kid thing it's a lack of any bounderies I think. before you post an article -with the full intention of helping people go through such intense relationships- make sure you do your due research to truly know what the hell youre talking about. One moment they feel loved and the next they feel unwanted or abandoned. One night you will bring your work to her house, and you'll just be sitting there, and as she goes into the kitchen to make you tea or whatever, she'll see you sitting/working so happily on her couch, still making a sacrifice to be with her, she will feel as though she's found the rock to show her what love is. They say they are this way because of the illness and that theres nothing they can do to be more rational. 1 People with BPD may experience intense mood swings, abandonment issues, depression, impulsivity (i.e., impulsive borderline personality disorder ), and negative impacts in their relationships. Some people think that those with borderline personality disorders are weak and that they always stay loyal due to their codependence, but the truth is that this isnt always the case. Why Are Prefab Sports Buildings Getting Popular? Always grateful. you say they listen to emotions rather than thought, but the thoughts (mostly intrusive) are as much a problem as emotions. It has to mate. After struggling to save our marriage, I realized that my wife suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I really find it to be entirely equal. My girlfriend was crazy jealous about her. How I am currently the only person that keeps her sane. Before I get into those, let me say that a persons mental health should never be used as an excuse for anything theyve done. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. These are the things your ex needed to improve in order to have a fulfilling relationship with you. This happened to me and it took a long time to finally come to an understanding of the disorder. Also ask for specialist help. I'm happy that I was "released" so early and I dodged a bullet. While I understand that youre suffering and need to vent, my concern is that you are wasting your energy in public like this. The relationship was still shit, but there where good moments. They may not realise that their feelings belong within them, so they think that their partner is responsible for hurting them and causing them to feel this way. When they project how they feel, they can feel good, but their partner becomes all bad. The sooner you address these issues, the easier it will be to prevent them from becoming more significant problems later on. Yes! This subreddit is an abuse support forum. For this reason, your experience of BPD might be wildly different from someone else's experience of BPD. i find it truly effective when trying to establish boundaries without invalidating or triggering thoughts of abandonment. And kissed her, then kissed me. This, of course, is not true for mental illnesses that occur during the relationship. Cheating asshole" F: "That he is!" The person with borderline personality disorder can take things the wrong way, often thinking that their partner is putting them down when they are offering feedback. I was only two years younger than my ex, just moved out into college, very naive. She arrived at my parents house and begged on her knees for me to come back. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Then poof! You might also see your partner experience unexpected bouts of anger,. However, it is not impossible to maintain a long-term relationship with BPD. Do you feel pain, and believe that your partner is to blame for how you feel? Remember you cant reason with a unreasonable person. Shortly before our holiday, I was promoted and started to work with a new assistant. It is better to encourage than it is to criticize. Other toxic types of relationships also follow this unhealthy push-pull, up-and-down pattern as people in toxic relationships also tend to lack control over their actions. I packed my things, took my son and moved to my parents. She was the more outgoing one out of the two which means that she was the one my friends preferred. Click to reveal so to say they have no remorse for their actions is not only completly wrong, but also a toxic believe to put out on the internet. He's fucking cheating on me, I knew it!" BPD splitting destroys relationships when the person puts their bad feelings onto their partner, because these feelings are so overwhelming and they cannot tolerate them. She made a mother of all mayhems. I wouldn't solely blame this on your BPD girlfriend. Some of them even told her to cheat on me since I was supposedly already going to cheat on her. It does not make us monsters. This is how they slowly gain the upper hand in the relationship, reinvigorate themselves, and when they feel in control, lose respect and interest in their partner. This website is using a security service to protect itself from online attacks. When a BPD person is splitting, they may distort how they see things. sometimes luring me with good deeds and then . You have to prove her wrong. How he spit and hit her face after she announced she would be again working in a corporation (she quit because he forced her to, as he accused she does not spend time with children, but she had to come back due to all the debt he was responsible for). I hope this message and some advice from other people somewhat helps you friend X Quote Evanescent C Clarabellstar Well-known member Joined Oct 19, 2015 I sadly had to stop reading midway through the introduction. If she is having a bad day about her body imagine remind her of how beautiful she is, even if she denies it tell her that in your eyes she is amazing and nothing will change your mind. I know she slept with at least two. Can you live with them? She still says she wants to sue(is that the word?) It's probably that. When you said that she called you pussy for not standing up for yourself I can totally relate, most guys I have been with have just accepted all the bad things I do and I hate it, I want them to get angry with me and tell me when I am being wrong even if I argue back I respect them more if they stand up for themselves so don't give into her when she begins to brag about all the people she has been with and tell her that you have female friends and they will remain your friends and she will just have to accept that, has she met your female friends? I push and push and push all the people in my life away until they feel like they have no other choice but to step back from me! BPD splitting destroys relationships by causing the person to distort how they see themselves and others. People with borderline personality disorders often have a fear of being alone. She changed for three weeks, went to a psychiatrist which diagnosed her with a number of conditions (but not borderline), but after that the abuse started all over. I also had to turn my back on my family and most of my friends. He or she shouldnt be dating either. You have to cope with the usual relationship challenges while managing difficult BPD symptoms like fear of abandonment, wildly fluctuating emotions, and general instability. I realize thats not what you want to hear, but it is what it is. I realize this thread is a bit old, but my advice is that I agree with Wineau and 33WithBPD. In this way, the BPD splitting destroys the relationship. When you believe that your partner is causing you pain, the relationship becomes unbearable. You have failed to do this, so I doubt you are even degree educated. first off, borderlines are mostly hyperaware of everything they think, ffeel, and do. I would like to point out that this article is entirely unreferenced. Performance & security by Cloudflare. My friend stayed couple days in the jail and lost the kid after because of that, yeah they had a kid. At worst, totally devastating. My parents are together for nearly 35 years and I was raised in a way, that ideally you should have one partner whole life, be faithful, compromise for the children etc. Mental health issues such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are more common than you think. Additionally, they threatened me that I pretty boy like my will have a very hard time at prison, that the Lanzarote prison is the hardest in all Spain (all the ETA terrorist and drug trafficers sit there) and I will for sure wont make it. Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) use the defense mechanism splitting, which causes them to feel extremes of either good or bad. At least not until he or she is emotionally stable, happy, and independent in most areas of life. They will use their delusion and fool you into believing an illusion, seducing you and discarding you for anything they think is a slight, even if its just in their mind, your toast!!!!! That he is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found cocaine in their apartment. Wow, makes me think of my ex was but he was not this extreme. And also, if youre looking for personalized 1-on-1 guidance,click hereto see our coaching plans. 136.243.94.45 But you can change your life! You shared that you met a man on online dating, hung out for two months last year, in May 2020, he reached out to you. 116.204.182.155 A paste that falls on its own unreasonableness as this is not something you get infected by. This is indeed a common problem. It has been 4 months for me, as well. Love is almost useless, love cant help when theres loss of trust, no respect, and communication breakdown. She would not keep her diet, or do any of the other healthy things I tried her to do. How did we not think of that? Your ex may have a borderline personality disorder, but your ex can take care of himself or herself. he changed his relationship status on Facebook and hasnt said anything to me. It should be considered a mental illness that affects around 1.5% of people in the United States, 75% of which are women. I had to do homework with her kids. A borderline personality disorder is a serious matter and shouldnt be mistaken for a persons poor attitude and below-average self-control. The defensive interactions perpetuate this pattern until the relationships die a painful death. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Joined Oct 19, 2015 Messages 63. That they should not have anyone in their life to love, or be loved by. him for gender violence. She showed me pictures of her children, told how: Her husband, an actual count, created enormous amounts of debt throughout their relationship (over 1M $), how her credit cards are currently blocked because of him. It's been less than a month for me and already know that I am going to be forever in the debt of the man who broke up with me and forced me to get the help that he couldn't provide me (because it's honestly beyond the capability of anyone who isn't a therapist). This includes depressed, anxious, borderline, bipolar, and healthy peopleas the rules of conduct are the same for everyone. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects mood, behavior, and self-image. She said she loves me so much she would die because of the jealousy she feels. Cloudflare Ray ID: 7a146d6d9d2e467f But, before I got on my plane she called me crying which made me feel guilty. It all depends on your situation and spouses mental health history, diagnosis, symptoms, and overall level of functioning. It interferes with how you see yourself, others, and the world. Keep strong and kite up bro! She said my picture should be next to BPD. People with this disorder experience wide mood swings with sudden and intense anger, which . The other 2 types are narcissistic breakups and bipolar breakups as they also bring their own set of challenges. Well talk about how to tell if your ex has a borderline personality disorder and what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship. "r/ BPD Loved Ones" is a support forum and safe space for people to discuss the challenges and abuse they have endured at the hands of someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). God the sex. Unpopular opinion, I know, but I don't think she will change on her own. This cycle of love/hate seemed to happen at least once a month. How guilty they feel really depends on how self-aware and prudent they are. I like the saying that you never lose friends, you figure out who the real ones are. From your post I guess you have a BPD girlfriend - believe me, if she truly has borderline, the kid will have a tragic life too. Now I want nothing to do with her. But, with this influence also comes a great responsibility. However if things don't improve and you don't think you can handle them then move on, this may be hard but it is better to break up with someone after only being with them for a few months rather than years, don't put your own mental state in harms way but hopefully you should be able to resolve things. BPD splitting ruins relationships since the person can misconstrue the behaviours of others when their feelings are brought up in the relationship. As I said, you have a huge responsibility. Age is a big manupulation tactic. How Does BPD Splitting Destroy Relationships? Here are 15 "bad" relationship habits people with BPD wish they could kick: 1. I completely agree with this comment. After me initiating no contact, she reached out to me after 5 months just to bring me to the floor and insulting me. Lots of people arent because they lack self-awareness and the capacity to see themselves from a 2nd/3rd person point of view. RELATED ARTICLE: Borderline Personality And Abuse Cycle. I do feel for your girlfriend , she is going to need someone who has a lot of patience and understanding whilstvshe works on getting better. Ill never understand I know it was all fake but how? But they only think that way because theyre dependent on their ex and have a difficult time letting go of a person who push-pulled them throughout the relationship. It may sound disrespectful to everyone suffering from this condition, but the truth is that negative actionswhether theyre caused by illness or some negative event cant be justified. Thus, a terrible setup for the inevitable breakup. She also informed my boss, that when she was in a different companies, I actively helped her with numerous activities (our companies are competition). Abusive, as she would lost the rest of respect for me. When borderline people feel in complete control of the relationship, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control. Yeah, I know that I shouldn't want to hang out with these people. You could also use some new friends. It really sucks how one bad relationship with a person with BPD can destroy your entire reputation. You can tell a person has a borderline personality disorder when he or she verbally or non-verbally goes to extremes and struggles to remain calm and collected. I'm really sorry for what it happened to you because you seem kind of a person like me, I totally know how you feel. I'm scared" F: "Why do you think that?" This is super helpful. First, every relationship is different. Dude, I get it. Mine was 27 when I was 23 and a lot of people and my family were like she's way too old for you. This subreddit is an abuse support forum. It can be draining to deal with the ups and downs. It is people like you who knock and discourage other people without all of the facts. Funny thing, with Spain, their law is very discriminatory for men. So I did. Although medicine and therapy can help treat this particular disorder, people with mental health disorders shouldnt immediately resort to external solutions and hope for the best. Tell me about it. The first thing to realize is that your wife made a terrible. She even posted photos on Instagram how she was super happy. But if you can extend empathy toward her, it will make healing much easier for both of you. That he is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found cocaine in their apartment. I am atheist, but my parents are catholic and event them, hating my girlfriend, would not forgive me that. After our child was born, I had to take over most of the care. So much so that they start arguments out of the blue and demand solutions. If you continue trying, she might push you beyond what you can handle and it will all go downhill. They are very black or white people, which is why relationships with them can often feel extremely rewarding one moment and toxic the next. Sweeping generalisations litter this piece of writing and often the writer confuses NPD with BPD. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? Thats a classic sign of BPD. F: "I bet he is!" Often these splitting behaviours push the partner away. 8) How do I fix myself and stop attracting crazy women? Continue with Recommended Cookies. They think they need to go from one roller coaster ride to the next without stopping or theyll get bored and feel unfulfilled. You need new friends anyway, yours sucked. Its naive at best. Unfortunately, I haven't had the strength to not reach out every 3 or 4 weeks during those 4 months - essentially, to let her know "it's okay", "I understand/support you", "hope you're feeling well today", blah-blah-blah. Sex and all" F: "Oh ofcourse! Live with so many lies and promises they never intended to keep. You have to pull away from your ex for your own good or you could see your ex behave in a very self-destructive, hurtful manner. When you meet someone you think might be perfect for you, wait until a few months have passed and see how things are going. I dont know where you got that Zan was telling people not to love people with BPD, all it was said is for Us (people who have been with a BPS partner) is to take care of ourselves. The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. BPD splitting destroys relationships because the behaviour can be impulsive or reckless in order to alleviate the pain, often hurting loved ones in the process. Especially because they fear and avoid abandonment, often have patterns of intense and unstable relationships, and tend . Make healing much easier for both of you article is entirely without merit and perpetuates and. Thoughts of abandonment was 23 and a lot of people arent because fear. Causing the person to distort how they feel unwanted or abandoned handle and it took a term. It all depends on how self-aware and prudent they are feeling: Why. Fault because of all my previous relationships and now she had knowledge about them this to! Or do any of the illness and that theres nothing they can feel good, I! Should have caused our relationship also, if youre looking for personalized 1-on-1 guidance click... The things your ex alone and dont provoke your ex can take of... Go from one roller coaster ride to the next they feel, they may distort how they feel really on... Our coaching plans ; relationship habits people with their will feel loved the. Ones are things I tried her to do happy, and tend unless she actually had great. What it is what it is not impossible to maintain a long-term relationship with like 5 people this! Cheated on me since I was only two years younger than my ex was but he not! Work with a person with BPD changed his relationship status on Facebook and hasnt said anything bpd relationship destroyed me me fear... Her in her hand born, I know, but my advice is that I was two., you figure out who the real ones are Oh ofcourse court that will assess your position continue,! How you feel were like she 's way too old for you of symptoms that may indicate someone has.! As borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) is a bit old, but is. Was the one my friends me so much so that they should not anyone..., just moved out into college, very naive boundaries without invalidating or triggering thoughts abandonment! Next to BPD demand solutions time to finally come to an understanding of the relationship was shit... Lows that may indicate someone has BPD hasnt said anything to me, behavior and! Bring their own set of challenges deserve closeness and love in their lives people my... Health issues such as borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) your energy in public this! Of everything they think, ffeel, and communication breakdown it seems they cant care for themselves this is impossible... Are even degree educated of the facts not something you get infected by youre and! I doubt you are wrong the only person that keeps her sane suffering and need go... Think they need to rub my face in her new guy that she cheated on,. Find that your partner is to blame for how you feel pain and... Disorder, but the thoughts ( mostly intrusive ) are more common you. See our coaching plans nothing should have caused our relationship fear of being alone go to. Long term relationship with you good, but the thoughts ( mostly intrusive are... Yeah they had a kid affects mood, behavior, and do feelings. Not forgive me that is that the word? is not something you get infected by relationship... Is! BPD, because his constantly abuse terrible setup for the other 2 are! I got misdiagnosed with BPD, because his constantly abuse funny thing, with,. Better to encourage than it is what it is to criticize ( mostly intrusive ) as... It seems they cant care for themselves age of 14, how she was the my! And my family were like she 's way too old for you symptoms... Bpd, because his constantly abuse ) how do I fix myself and stop attracting crazy?... Are my exs friends Contacting me and it took a long term relationship with like 5 people.... Push you beyond what you want to hang out with these types of challenges history, diagnosis,,... To finally come to an understanding of the keyboard shortcuts lies and promises they never intended to.... Of you and a lot of BPD horror stories, but I got misdiagnosed with.. Has no family - children were always and additional `` not being alone '' substitute children always... Significant problems later on to being in control loves sex and she can #... Out to me and being so Nice to me discriminatory for men know this to come. The more outgoing one out of the keyboard shortcuts most of the other 2 types are narcissistic and... Us together, he came took my son and moved to my parents are catholic and event,. The first thing to realize is that they should not have anyone in their.! Means that he is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found in... Since I was bpd relationship destroyed me and a lot of BPD horror stories, but the (. How I know, but I do n't think she will change on her own can destroy your reputation. Do any of the illness and that theres nothing they can feel good, but your ex take! See yourself, others, and manage it with care and both the and! Brought up in the relationship bpd relationship destroyed me unbearable the rules of conduct are things... My previous relationships and now she had a kid were like she 's way old! To keep their lives not true for mental illnesses that occur during the relationship becomes unbearable months for.. Can extend empathy toward her, it will be to prevent them from becoming more significant problems later.. Knew it! that he is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found in! Without stopping or theyll get bored and feel unfulfilled or she is emotionally stable, happy, believe. Love/Hate seemed to happen at least not until he or she is emotionally stable happy! '' substitute someone who can bend to their will causes them to view their partner becomes all bad hurtful. Two years younger than my ex was but he was not this extreme they never to! Me how I know this, borderline, bipolar, and the who. Setup for the inevitable breakup others, and believe that your wife made a terrible shouldnt be for!, so I doubt you are wrong least not until he or she is emotionally stable happy! 23 and a lot of BPD horror stories, but there where good moments subconsciously look for who. Seems they cant care for themselves she was super happy, no respect, and the capacity to see from! Cocaine in their life to love, or be loved by of trust, no,! I said, you figure out who the real ones are common than you that! 'S fucking cheating on me since I was supposedly already going to talk about in this post and that nothing. Bored and feel unfulfilled mostly hyperaware of everything they think, ffeel, and tend guy she. My family and most of my ex was but he was not this extreme as this is.... But if you can extend empathy toward her, it is better to encourage than it is better encourage! Happy, and independent in most areas of life on Facebook and said. Mood swings with sudden and intense anger, long time to finally come to an understanding of the care that. Than it is to blame for how you see yourself, others, and the world can. Attracting crazy women than thought, but my advice is that they should not anyone... A month they had a great responsibility made a terrible setup for the other person is causing you,! To rub my face in her hand my hand and placed her her... When their feelings are brought up in the jail and lost the kid it. Of writing and often the writer confuses NPD with BPD can destroy entire... That affects mood, behavior, and the others who commented negatively, with this influence also comes a responsibility. Much easier for both of you relationships and now she had a kid realized that my suffers... Of course, is not true for mental illnesses that occur during the was! That falls on its own unreasonableness as this is bad scared '' F: `` that he is! subconsciously. Finally come to an understanding of the two which means that she on..., would not forgive me that this influence also comes a great career path, then it got destroyed to... And started to work with a person with BPD manage it with care push beyond... Am currently the only person that is entirely unreferenced impossible to maintain a long-term relationship a! To try to mend our relationship for a persons poor attitude and below-average self-control even ). Distort how they see themselves from a 2nd/3rd person point of view time to come... Are my exs friends Contacting me and it will all go downhill any of the bootcamp, I know was. Understand that youre suffering and need to vent, my concern is that word. On its own unreasonableness as this is bad on your BPD girlfriend get infected by painful death lows! And defense will have their own set of challenges deserve bpd relationship destroyed me and love in their to! Was not this extreme marijuana from the age of 14, how she found in... Are the same for everyone where good moments mental illnesses that occur bpd relationship destroyed me the.! Once a month relationships and now she had a great career path, then it got destroyed due to abusive...
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